There’s been so many things happening here in Ubud during this first week within Tribewanted at Hubud. For those who are still wondering what is going on here, just click on the two links and have a look! And for those who have time to read about the bigger picture explaining how i “ended up” here, here is my story .
So, i came in Ubud to find a stimulating surrounding that would help me develop the ideas and projects that are stuck in my head and in my heart. Making things happen is really not a piece of cake when you are home alone all day long! Procrastination becomes a toxic best friend…
The days i am living at the moment are really special : I am changing everything in my life. Even more than during my previous move a year ago. The location, the culture, the people surrounding me, the return in a work dynamic after a year of being unproductive, at least business-wise. The year has been very productive from a personal development point of view though.
The first (and biggest) step this week has been the encounter with the Tribewanted community on monday. A small group of very interesting, authentic and nice people. We are learning to know each others, but the good feeling is already there. We are going to welcome a few more people within the tribe in the weeks to come. It is exciting. Everybody brings something special, with different background, but we are all driven by the same will to build or maintain our own professionally independent life, and focus on our work-life balance. The tribewanted dynamic is great, the accountability-oriented organisation, lead by the lovely Laura, is stimulating, even if i haven’t plunged fully into it so far. When you arrive in a new country, you want to find a place you can claim home, even if you know it can take a little while. It is very important, so you can settle down and move towards the next step. So this first week, i was pretty much accommodation-obsessed with my goals. And appart from writing i haven’t worked on my ideas and projects yet.
Appart from the tribe, I met a lot of people from different horizons and backgrounds in hubud, but everyone has something in common : becoming their own boss and running or trying to develop a location free business that drives them, that makes them wanna wake up in the morning to go on with. Freelancing and consulting are professional activities that allow that to a certain extent, but you still have someone who gives you orders (the company you work for) and as a matter of consequence some still feel the need to pursue more personal projects.
I already have talked to more than 30 people here in the first week, i think. I am just talking about hubud/tribewanted, I am not even talking about people I met at yoga, in my new hotel, or during the jakarta volcano-delay. This is awesome of course! And most of the talks i had were not small talks. Ideas and business development, entrepreneur highs and lows, relationship to money when you have to generate your own income, personal journey and insights, yoga and meditation talks (hey, we are in Ubud, remember), …
This place is so exciting, I can’t wait for what is coming next. It is yoga/spirituality/entrepreneurship/purpose paradise. My mind goes in every direction. And actually, this is also what makes the current situation a challenge. There is A LOT going on here. There is A LOT to process very suddenly. After an easy going, socially calm, year, there is a huge gap. Don’t misunderstand me : i am not complaining at all. But what i did not see coming is that i quickly got a bit overwhelmed by the flow and the energy here : seeing everybody else so pro-active around me, feeling the buzz in Hubud, and even in Ubud in general, having so many social opportunities rising. It is strange to feel so connected to a group and a place, and at the same time not yet totally connected…. It takes time to adjust to the flow, and find your own balance.
I am going to share with you what has been going on in my head wednesday around noon, and how it made me realize that i really have to take baby steps, again. That it might take time to organise the ideas i have in mind, and develop one or several business concept.
So, on wednesday, a think thank meeting was held by Louise, a Tribewanted member, during lunch time, to introduce us to the business concept she has developed here over these past six months, and then collect feedbacks and advices. Her concept is a great one, definitely. But, to be honest, this think thank has been « too much » for me. It was clearly too early for me to attend such a meeting there after just three days at Hubud.
Before explaining why, let me tell you quickly about my internal mindset at that moment : I had a couple of very powerful conversation with two inspiring human beings who happen to be coaches, one during tuesday lunch and one on wednesday morning. Each of these two women has, in her own way, triggered important things in me, about the way i process, about my hyper sensitivity. Things i actually still struggle to deal with properly. So i was a little emotional. And, to add to this, I just moved in a new accommodation just 10 minutes before sitting in the meeting room, and had been informed at my arrival that my room was a temporary one, because the person that was supposed to leave my room was blocked by the ash cloud from the volcano. I just wanted to unpack properly, somewhere, even for 2 weeks. And so i had to wait 2 more days.
So i joined the think thank while being pretty emotional, and a bit disappointed.
I was sitting here, listening to these interesting conversations, from impressively pro-active entrepreneurs, sharing ideas and feedbacks on Louise’s work, and i quickly felt like i was not yet « there ». I felt like i could not take part in the ongoing discussion, I did not feel legitimate at all. Of course i was, it is all up to me, it is just a matter of mindset. But i had received so many informations, solicitations,… in these past three days, it was a bit too much. I was experiencing for the first time the (un)famous « i am a fraud » feeling… I knew it would surely come sooner or later. For sure, I have ideas, and skills, and i know i am able to make my way out of it. Despite the will to stay, i felt the need to go away from that room asap, and take time by myself to digest all of that. I needed to reconnect to my beloved solitude for a little while, so i could stop that fraud feeling. So i left quietly during a short break, and i offered myself a very sweet afternoon, and then did my best during the next two days to re-adjust my goals and let go off the guilt. Also, Gemma and Sophie, from escape to the woods, finally made it here after ash-delay, and it felt really good to have them around!
I know these kind of moments will happen again. I have been warned by the other members of the tribe. Apparently we all go through this. Because this is the way, this is sane, and normal, and comprehensible. I know i am not alone, and this is priceless.
What is really mind-blowing here is how everybody is in the same mindset. Developing, launching or maintaining an personal work and life project is a blast, and the fulfillment you get from doing what you love at your own pace is worth it, but it is definitely not a piece of cake, and here everybody finds a lot of support during the hard times : the questioning about the legitimacy, or the to find customers or contracts, the worry about generating your own income, … I know these will also be my worries sooner or later.
For those like me who don’t have their business yet, it is about the struggle to develop a concept. And what is great is that every single person i talk with at Hubud has been or is where i am at now, knows exactly what i am going through, and is very supportive.
Apparently i am doing good, i am in a good dynamic, if i listen to the feedbacks from the other tribewanted members. So definitely, I have to let go, even if i wish things happen faster. I will for sure find the right balance during the next few weeks.
After finally unpacking on friday, i have decided to challenged myself and attend ecstatic dance on friday evening with the tribewanted lot. I was very very nervous about it, but it ended up being a revelation : so liberating, so full of good energy! 150 people dancing like there is no tomorrow, without any help from drugs or alcohol of course, and with a complete judgement-free atmosphere. The experience is mind-blowing, and powerful! You just close your eyes and let go.
As a conclusion, you’ll see below my personal outcome about this first week, that can actually be applied to everything in life, work and personal. And, despite having known about most of these points for much more than a week, i still have managed to fall in the trap of pressurizing myself after just 3 days… It is an everyday discipline to apply them.
- surround yourself with the right persons,
- believe in yourself
- be kind and gentle to yourself, and to others
- don’t try to rush things, it is pointless, and even counter productive,
- make it through baby steps
- try news things
I will make sure that i repeat these 6 points to myself as often as possible for as long as necessary.